Monday, April 13, 2009


I haven't been posting a lot lately, as many of my regular readers have noted. I had been planning to have surgery, which was then postponed due to infection. I am still not able to schedule the surgery because we haven't resolved the infection issue as of yet. In addition to dealing with all that entails, I have been switching pain medications. The pain medication I was taking was working well, it controlled my pain with side effects that were live-able. Unfortunately, my prescription coverage decided to stop paying for the particular drug I was taking and the cost for me to buy it out of pocket was not even a possibility (think mortgage payment and you'd be in the right ballpark!). This led me to try the generic alternative of the same drug. The generic did nothing to control pain and caused lots of unpleasant side effects. Just recently my pain management doctor changed my medication altogether in the hopes that we will find something to get the pain back under control. All along he has been fighting with my insurance company, trying to get them to approve the original medication again since it works for me and I can tolerate it. Of course we all know it isn't what the doctor thinks, or what works best for the patient anymore, it all comes down to money and what the insurance company will pay for.

So, I have been in a lot of pain. I have been fatigued from the pain and from fighting the infection that won't go away. I have had other issues as well, but those are the two biggies which have kept me from blogging. Most of my days are spent trying to do the things I HAVE to with little or no energy to deal with the things I WANT to (like blogging). I have missed the contact and the conversation of this blog and the wonderful readers and friends I have made through it.

I intend to do my best to keep blogging as I am able and I appreciate the support and understanding you show me when I am "quiet" for awhile. I am also way behind in reading the blogs I usually keep up with, so I apologize to those of you who haven't seen me commenting on your posts either.

It's another fact of being chronically ill, we don't always get to control things. I used to get really upset over that fact, and feel guilty because I couldn't keep up with other people. Now I realize that I am just fine the way I am. I take care of myself when I need to and I know that the people who care about me will understand. I am so grateful to have that peace. It was a long time coming, but it has made all the difference.

Looking forward to better days ahead and lots of posts and conversations with you all!


Kerry said...

Maureen, What an injustice that the pain medication that works to manage your pain is suddenly economically unreachable. To live in severe chronic pain without pain medicine to help one bare it, is all consuming and takes it's own additonal toll on the body.

Sending thoughts your way Maureen, and prayers that either the insurance company gets reasonable and pays for the pain med. that has been working, or that your doctor soon finds another that works as well.

Feel for you much as I know it is heck to be constantly in so much pain. Hugs and hope, Kerry

Renee said...

I am so so sorry you have been going through so much with pain medications and your insurance. I know of so many who had the same struggles and would feel side effects from the generics, etc.
I know we have missed hearing from you, but soon you will be up to it!
You are in my thoughts and prayers

Ailurophile said...

You are right about advocating yourself. I hope your health is better these days. See you soon :)