An Act of Kindness

I hadn't written about about this, because it is personal, but also because I know my friend will be embarrassed, not because of something bad, but something GOOD she did. I decided to change her name to protect her privacy. The story is real.

My mother and I moved into our house in the beginning of October this year. Before moving here we were living in an apartment building, where we were very unhappy, and had a lot of trouble with the lack of maintenance, brown water, and loud and mean neighbors. We found an ad for our current house and had come to look at it. The landlord had explained on the phone that the reason the house was available for rent was that the elderly couple who had been living here had been killed in an auto accident a few months prior. The night we came to see the house, one of the daughter's of the previous tenants was here cleaning up. I'll call her Nancy. Well, as you can imagine, Nancy was upset. She had lost both her parents suddenly only a short time ago. Her son was with her as well. He is a wonderful 8 year old boy I'll call John. Instead of looking at the house, I spent most of my time here that night talking to Nancy about her parents. She told me how happy they had been here, how good the landlord had been to them and how she and John lived nearby and used to ride their bikes over almost every day in the good weather to visit her parents. I hugged her as she cried and told her that she and John would always be welcome here. I think that made her feel a little better, she wouldn't have to give up the last touchstone to her parents she had. We exchanged phone numbers and promised to keep in touch.

My mother and I did take the house and just before we moved in, I got a call from Nancy. She wanted to know how we were doing. My mother had just been in the hospital, I was stressed from trying to pull together the move in less than 2 weeks and we were ready to be out of that awful apartment. Nancy promised to be in touch after we got settled in.

The day of our move, Nancy showed up at our door with a basket filled with goodies. There was a loaf of Irish Soda Bread (my favorite!), a box of chocolates, a map of the town, a local newspaper and several other helpful things. She and John delivered it to our door, along with a card welcoming us to our new home. What a change from where we had been living! I was so touched, not only at her thoughtfulness, but I knew all she was going through in her grieving and felt it was especially kind that she reached out to us in her own time of grief and pain. I was also grateful to have a new friend so soon after moving in.

We spoke on the phone several times, but it took us almost a month to get together. Both of us had busy schedules. We met one morning for tea and scones. We started chatting like old friends and found we had much in common. Unfortunately one of the things we share in common is endometriosis. While I was sad to know that Nancy had suffered and struggled to have John, I was glad to meet someone who "gets" what having a chronic illness is like. She is a nurse and works in a local hospital. What a blessing for the patients she deals with, she is kind and compassionate, having firsthand experience with pain, illness and loss.

During our talk I mentioned that mom and I didn't have a Christmas tree. We had an artificial one when we lived in North Carolina, but when we ended up in an apartment in New York, with nowhere to store it, we hadn't moved it up. Money was too tight this year to even think of buying a tree, real or artificial, so we had decided we would be without one this year. I knew it was the right choice, but it did make me a little sad, I mean I love having a tree. Immediately Nancy offered us a tree. They have a small artificial tree that they had used in the past down in their basement as an extra tree. Last year her parents had used it in this house. She wouldn't be having Christmas at her house this year (they are going to her sisters) so she wouldn't be putting the little tree up anyway. Would we like to borrow the tree? I was so touched. It was like an answer to a prayer. She brought the tree by just after Thanksgiving and it sits decorated and lit up in my living room as I type this. It is perfect for this house, only about 4 1/2 ft. high, we have it up on a box. Not only did it make us happy, but I know it made Nancy feel better about the holiday too. Just the week before we had gotten together she and her husband were going through things in their basement and had come across the tree. He had asked if they would be putting it up this year and she had said no, and had thought sadly about her parents. Now her tree stands once again in the same house as last year, albeit under very different circumstances, and blesses another family with the love and kindness that Nancy learned from her parents. I can tell her parents were happy here, you can feel it in the house. I know that may sound hokey to some, and I never thought I would say a thing like that, but this house has a happy vibe, something our apartment certainly didn't.

I feel blessed to have met Nancy, and although I wish the circumstances had been different, I know her parents are looking down from heaven and watching this friendship grow - helping both of us in different ways!

Again I am reminded how blessed I am. Blessed to have this friend, blessed to live in this house and still have my mother with me, blessed in the health I DO have. It's a small thing to have a tree, but it has big meaning to me, and Nancy could see that and she responded in love and generousity when she could have hid in grief. I hope I am as good a friend to her as she has been to me.

I've written a lot of posts lately on the little things we can each do to help someone else. This is another example of something that didn't cost any money, but couldn't have been more priceless. When we take the time to listen to people, we often find what they need most isn't even a "thing", usually it is someone to care about them. Maybe you have an elderly neighbor that would welcome a visit from time to time, or who needs a ride to church or the store once in a while. Maybe you have a working mom who could use a few hours of childcare to get some shopping or gift wrapping done.

In the past week I have done several small acts of kindness that didn't cost me anything. We had our first snowfall last weekend. When I went out to clear off my car, I cleared off the car of my upstairs neighbor as well. This way when she came down, she could just get in and go. It only took me about 5 extra minutes and it made her day easier. Yesterday my mother had a doctors appointment. When we arrived at the office, there were 2 ladies that my mother has met through the local senior center. They were finished with an appointment and were asking the receptionist to call them a cab. I offered to drive them home instead. My mother was going to be back in the doctors office for awhile, and instead of sitting in the waiting room, I took them home and came back for my mother. It took me about 15 minutes in total and saved them at least $10. Surely we can all do small things like this for others.

I want to close by saying that each night as I look at our tree, I say a little prayer for Nancy and her family, for their friendship and kindness to us. And I am trying to honor it by passing it on.

Pictures Of The Seasons Fun

I recently wrote about attending our local tree lighting, complete with horse drawn carriage rides and a visit from Santa, as well as a trip to Westbury House for a tour and concert. The above picture shows one of the beautiful trees at Westbury House, with the mantel decorated for the season.




This is a photo of santa, my mom and I at Westbury house. I have to tell you, I think this is the real Santa, he takes you on a tour of each room and has stories about his elves and which room they sleep in, where they make the toys, etc. . . He is as entertaining for the adults as he is good with the kids.


This is an "after" shot of the tree with Santa and all the local dignitaries. They really did a nice job of putting this event together. After you finished the carriage ride you got a goodie bag filled with stuff from all the local merchants. There was also hot cocoa and cookies to warm you up, and the local tv station had us all taping holiday greetings to air the week of Christmas!

This was a "before" shot of the tree. It was pretty even before it was lit. Not a huge tree, and not overly decorated, it makes a nice statement.

Last but certainly not least, the horse drawn carriage that took us through the neighborhood to look at the lights. The carriage was pretty comfortable and we had enough people on each trip to snuggle up and keep warm. The horses were so beautiful. We donated a toy for a tot to take the carriage ride, which made us feel good and hopefully helped some local kids have a better holiday! Only a few hours after this it snowed for the first time this year. The only thing that could have made it better was if it had snowed during our ride!

The Meaning of The Season

I wrote a post about not letting people take away the true meaning of Christmas, and tonight, on Yahoo news I came across this story about secret santas. This was EXACTLY the kind of thing I was referring to when I said we could all give of ourselves this holiday season. We might not have $100 bills to hand out, but as the article points out we can give a kind word, make a small gesture and simply pass on some hope to someone who needs it. I felt better about our world when reading this article and I hope it will inspire others to do what they can for others, not only at Christmas, but throughout the year. I can't tell you how many times in my own life someone has done something for me that helped me see God's love, right at the moment I needed it. I try to return the favor whenever I can. One by one, we have the power to make this a better world. We can't solve all the problems, but we can learn to look at one another as friends, neighbors and brothers, and once we do that, we cannot look away from the problems. It's the first step. . .

Holiday Fun!

This evening we went to a local tree lighting ceremony. Since this is our first holiday season living in this town, we hadn't been to this event here before. It was really nicely done. The local shops got together with town hall and put the event on. There were Christmas carols playing, a horse drawn carriage ride through one of the upscale neighborhoods to see the decorated houses, Santa came on the fire engine and then got on the carriage ride with the kids. After you finished the horse drawn carriage, you were given a gift bag from the local merchants, which actually contained some nice things, not just junk and coupons. Then there was hot cocoa and cookies while you waited for the tree to be lit. We took our neighbor and met up with some friends. One of the girls had her son, who is 8 years old with us, and it was so much fun to watch it all through his eyes! The local cable station was there and had us all tape holiday greetings that will air the week of Christmas. They collected a toy or canned food as your "fee" to ride the carriage, so all those go to benefit the poor and needy in the area. We brought board games (Chutes and Ladders and Candyland) for the kiddies!

This is another reason I really enjoy living here, they have fun events like this all the time, they are free, and everyone in the area participates, so you get to meet new people while doing something different. The only thing that could have made it more perfect was if it had snowed a little, but it still had a nice postcard quality to it. I will post some pictures from it tomorrow.

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Wow, I have been one neglectful blogger!! I apologize to all of you who regularly check for new content, it really has been too long since I last posted something new. It's been a combination of factors from health to personal, and I have several rants started that at some point I might just post. . .

Anyway, I am still awaiting an answer on my thyroid biopsy (taken last Wed.) and have a few other critical health issues going on. Despite those things, I had a nice weekend. I met a funny, smart, kind woman who has become a new friend since moving to our diggs in October, and we got together on Saturday for tea and scones. She then took me around town and showed me where there are some great shops I didn't know about. It is so wonderful to live in an area where the people are friendly and kind, especially after where we've been living for the past year.

Saturday evening mom and I had a friend over for pizza and a movie (hey in these economic times a movie from the library and a pizza is a big night!). We watched one of my all time favorite film noir classics "Double Indemnity"! I never tire of a great film with snappy dialog and witty banter.

Sunday we tried a new parish close to home for Mass, which was very good. They just refurbished the church and it looked beautiful. After Mass, despite the freezing temperatures, we took a nice walk. I had promised my mom that I would bring her over to the area my friend had shown me on Saturday and let her see some of the shops for herself. We both love 5 & 10 cent stores (variety stores, whatever you call them where you live!). They have become a lost breed and I was so excited to discover one right here in town. We spent a good amount of time just browsing in there and discovering all the neat stuff they carry that you can't find anywhere anymore.

I've been a bit frustrated lately, between doctor's appointments and dealing with pharmacy and cable issues and the frustrations of living life with so many chronic illnesses, it's had me down. It was nice to have a weekend away from all that, with friends and family. Of course now I am paying (physically) for the activity, but once in awhile you've got to push yourself and pay for it later. I am suffering from vertigo, so I can't read or write a long post. Hopefully it will be a short bout this time.

So that's what new in my neck of the woods, what's up with YOU? I really want to know. . .

Back Into The Routine

Well, we survived the move. Notice I used the word "survive", because that's what it feels like--something akin to getting through a tough bout of illness or a car accident! The movers were awful and caused a lot of stress and a fair amount of damage. Trying to get back on-line with cable, internet and phone was another hassle. Thankfully, things are starting to get settled and we are unpacking and beginning to feel more at home.

The upside to all the turmoil is that the new place and neighborhood are totally worth what we went through to get here. The new house is wonderful, and once everything is unpacked and we are comfortable, we are going to be very happy here. We did take the time to walk around the neighborhood yesterday morning and were pleasantly surprised at how friendly and nice everyone is. Hey, I even had a positive experience with the local CVS! In fact, the day we moved in we got a visit from a neighbor with a "welcome basket" full of goodies (Irish Soda Bread and candy) as well as some really useful information like a local map, the local newspaper and a pamphlet about the town and all the activities and organizations it offers. It was so sweet and thoughtful, and believe me we have used each item in it already. It was ironic, because for the 2 years we lived in our house in North Carolina we made a welcome basket for each new neighbor, and not only did we not receive one when we moved there, we were never even thanked for doing it. Now if you are from North Carolina, please don't be offended, I am not picking on you. I think that is more the norm now in most parts of the country than what we experienced here. I didn't take it as a reflection on North Carolinian's, more on the state of affairs in our country as a whole. We have lost a sense of community and neighborliness.

All of this rambling leads me back to thinking about how difficult it can be to find help when we need it due to illness. Everyone is so busy these days with their own lives, that a lot of the time they don't think about the fact that people are in need of help, or they feel so overwhelmed by their own circumstances they don't offer to do for others for fear they will get locked into something they can't keep up with. During Invisible Illness Awareness Week, I found out about and was able to download the first 40 pages of Lisa Copen's book, "Beyond Casseroles: 505 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend". What a treasure this book is, both for us who are chronically ill, and for those who care about us! It has really concrete ideas of things people can do to help friends who suffer from chronic illness, and she addresses the time concern factor with terrific ideas that take as little as 5 minutes to bigger time commitments should one be able to make them. I am ordering multiple copies to give to friends, family and church members. Maybe I am a Pollyanna, but I truly believe most people WANT to help, they just don't have any idea WHAT to do so they end up doing nothing, or doing something - while nice, which might not be the thing we really need.

I feel encouraged that with this move we are going to be able to start to build a better support system for ourselves, and to be a support to those we meet as well. As I mentioned in my post about being a friend, we have to model the behavior we want to receive. Sometimes when we are in pain or very fatigued, we have a tendency to think that people should just know what we want or need. Not only isn't that fair to others, it is self defeating as well. How can someone meet your expectation if you never state it clearly?

Before I end this post, I am excited to announce that Rosalind Joffe, author of "Women, Work and Autoimmune Disease: Keep Working, Girlfriend!" and career coach and founder of CiCoach.com, will be doing a guest post on this blog in November! I am so honored to have her writing here and look forward to sharing more details with all of you soon!